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Monday, May 15, 2006

Plain Spoken...

I wasn't born with the gift of gab.

What I mean by that is...

I seem to say what's on my mind, what I'm thinking.

I have never been able to 'flower' things up, or make my words 'soft'.

Even now, I'm not sure if that is the right terminology, 'soft'.

You know what I'm talking about don't you? There are people who always seem to know what to say in any given situation.

But whenever I'm talking to folks, or when someone asks me a question, especially if it is a *direct* question...


What I think just 'pops' out of my mouth. Almost exactly the way I am thinking it.

Some call it being 'blunt'.

I guess that would be a near antonym of 'soft'.

I have had one person tell me, "I never have to wonder what you really think about something."

And another said that I was "a little rough around the edges".

How many times have I been in a position where I wish that I wasn't so ~clear~ about my thoughts or feelings about something.

There are many times that I really struggle over this.

And I try not to have a sharp tongue, but sometimes I do, more so than not.

Since my surgery, I appear to have gotten worse in this area of communication. Something that I consider as a fault, has many times been made even more painfully obvious.

A diplomat I am not.

And I couldn't be one even if I tried!

I admire those who have the grace of social communication. It is just amazing to me to listen to someone who is really good at it.

Since I am, the way that I am...

This also makes me have a low tolerance for mind games.

I guess that you could say that I don't have any tolerance in this area at all.

There's an owl hooting my neighborhood right now.

He seems to be pretty plain spoken himself...

for a city owl that is.

I can appreciate that.



Blogger Pattie said...

I think you know how I feel about this subject, since I just wrote about directness recently.
My husband is like you...call it blunt...direct, whatever. It puts some people off. However, what you say is true...one does not have to GUESS what you are thinking. I sometimes wonder when someone ASKS you a question do they want the REAL anwer? My guess is most people do not. If a friend said to me "Do you like my haircut?" I wouldn't blurt out "No, it looks terrible." I might sat "Well, it is not as flattering on you as your last one." But I think most of the time the person wants to hear " Yes, it looks great on you" even if it isn't the truth.Why? I am not sure most people live in the TRUTH, you know?

May 16, 2006 5:20 AM  
Blogger Dreaming again said...

vewwy interwesting ... have you ever done a spiritual gifts inventory?

I have a friend just like you, she too sees it as something as less than ... to be desired ... I see it as strength ..and not wearing a mask. My own failings that keep me from being bold enough to speak my mind in those situation.Fears and failings that make me 'diplomatic'.

She and I had breakfast last Tuesday, we were talking about spiritual gifts ...maybe it's neither ...maybe it's a part of our own spiritual giftings that make us like this and we just need to figure out how to operate each in our strengths ...

May 16, 2006 7:26 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

TJ, I know exactly what you mean. And Pattie I agree with you. I don't think people actually want the truth when they ask you questions like "How do I look?"

I am usually blunt when talking to family that I know won't hate me if I give them the truth, but if someone I don't know asks me something like "How do I look?" I always try to be encouraging, even if it's a lie because I hate hurting people's feelings.

Don't worry about being blunt, or "frank" if you will. I think it's an admirable quality that I am sure your friends appreciate. It shows trust and honesty. My friends love the fact that I am honest with them. Most people won't say what's on their minds.

There is a time and a place for everything. I think it's best to have a good balance between being honest and blunt, and known when you should sugar-coat things!

May 16, 2006 7:45 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Hi TJ. I believe in the saying: If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. However, it's rather difficult if you are being asked a direct question. I don't set out to hurt anyone's feelings and would never say anything intentionally nasty. My husband is more direct and doesn't do much "small talk" - sometimes I find it embarrassing (with friends) that he doesn't seem to make much effort but at least we all know him well enough to know where we stand with him!

May 16, 2006 10:00 AM  
Blogger It's me, T.J. said...

I remember your post Pattie.

"Well, it is not as flattering on you as your last one."

You see Pattie... I would never have thought to say it this way. While I wouldn't want to be mean I probably would say something like, "I liked the old haircut better." And left it at that.

It's like Sarah says about 'sugar-coating' things. I think of what I should have said later. Like the next day or something.

I feel the same way you do Sue. I believe in keeping my mouth shut as much as possible. Especially since I feel self-conscious in this area, but also because I am not 'intentionally' trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

But... I do have a weakness in the opinion area. And sometimes, how I express those opinions becomes a problem too.

And no... I have never done a spiritual inventory Peggikaye. I'm not sure that I have even heard of one. But it's interesting to me that you would see this as a strength.


May 16, 2006 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Moof said...

TJ ... I always prefer knowing where I stand with someone. I've had friends who could sweeten up the way they say it, and others would couldn't ...

It's all equal, though ... and I'd really rather know.

When I'm in a situation where I know someone doesn't want to hear the truth, it *will* get between us if there's something I think they really need to hear.

I understand what you're saying!

May 16, 2006 7:05 PM  
Blogger It's me, T.J. said...

Glad to see you Moof!


May 16, 2006 7:18 PM  

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